Moving on

April 3, 2009 at 4:22 am | Posted in life, Quit | 5 Comments
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I have increasingly been realizing that I have reached a new stage of my quit. I am not posting here as much and it has been days since I have been to the quit support site. I am have been setting down those crutches and am starting to walk or even run on my own.

I think I need to find a new direction to take this blog in. While the rest of my life will always be lived “beyond the haze”, I don’t need to live the rest of my life in the throes of the quit. It is time to transition into the life that staying quit is making it possible to live.


I can walk(and breathe)!

March 4, 2009 at 4:06 am | Posted in Quit, Special Moments | Leave a comment
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I had to do some things at the preschool today. When I was done, there was no point in going home just to turn around and come back. I decided to spend the time taking a walk on a path by a stream. I was excited at first that there actually was running water which means it is slowly warming up. Then, as I hiked uphill back to the car, I became excited that I wasn’t breathing like a fish that jumped out of the tank. I might still be out of shape but I can really breathe and walk again! Good thing because I am signed up for a class that starts in 3 weeks that will help me train for a 5k.

Of course, I took pictures all along the way and posted the rest on my photo blog.


February 24, 2009 at 4:57 am | Posted in Quit | 3 Comments
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We were on the go today. Laura had a cold last week and during the weekend it it morphed into more. She has been running 101 degree fevers since Friday night, coughing and just plain gunky. So I took her in this morning after getting Rai on the bus and dropping Mira off at school. Laura may or may not have pneumonia again. Her CBC was fine but I guess there was something on the x-ray. She was precribed amoxicillan pending the radiologist’s reading.

We then rushed to my therapy appointment, then to Target to get her script filled and quick lunch, off the the post office and finally took a break at a book store. We spent a few minutes at home and had to go get Mira. We rushed home to beat Rai’s bus and finally were done for the day. Well sorta…we still had the rest of the evening routine but at least that was normal.

What is amazing about the day is how little I thought about smoking. I am reaching the point where I have been not smoking just long enough to go through a crazy day withough thinking about when I would have had a cigarette. I only realized it later when I thought about the day.

PMS. sucks.

February 17, 2009 at 4:38 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I finally figured out why suddenly yesterday my cravings got worse and my patience completely deteriorated. I looked at the calendar today and realized it was PMS. Of course, I had to look it up. Apparently if you quit near PMS, your success rate plummets. Women have a better chance at the beginning of their cycle.

Statistics schmatistics. Dave and I also should be divorced based on those. Apparently we are in the lucky 20% or so for our situation. I am not going to fall prey to these either.

I am actually feeling better about my increasingly bad attitude. I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. Now I know what I am handling, big deal. I handle being pure evil every month. That part of my life hasn’t changed.

I am so close to a full week that I can almost taste it. I guarantee that when I get there that it will so much tastier than anything was in my life a week ago.

Your brain on drugs..and your lungs.

February 15, 2009 at 6:28 am | Posted in Quit | 2 Comments
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Your lungs on drugs

Your lungs on drugs

I have long thought that your lungs after smoking resembled the snow by the sides of roads. This is a bit of dirty snow by our driveway. I snapped it because it reminded me why I am doing this.

Ok…dramatic imagery done, on to the insane.

Dear god…. the transition from the physical to the physiological withdrawal is rather INSANE! I have done all the research and you all know me well enough that I also read the studies. This day has been the hardest. Actually it has been the the night that is the worst. I have found the physiological to be far more intense and less controllable. My brain is apparently screaming for some dopamine.

We are now entering into the period where it rights itself. Great that means I am going to be a depressed bitch because my brain says so according to the studies. Then again it also tells my heart to beat so I might as well work with it to get through it. This part really is far worse because you are battling yourself chemically in your head.

Yeah…..I have gone insane.


February 13, 2009 at 4:27 am | Posted in Quit | 2 Comments
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As I near 48 hours, I am feelingĀ  just strong enough yet very aware of how fragile I am. I am feeling empowered but not over confident.

At times today it was devastatingly hard but after putting 1 smoke free day behind me, I had experience to go on. It was no longer an unknown. I knew how bad it can be but I also knew that I handled it. So all in all, today was easier. Of course, my definition of easier is relative.

One moment, one crave, one breath at a time, I am doing this. Everyday I take a pledge for the day that I learned about at and I repeat it when I need it. I just say N.O.P.E….Not One Puff Ever.

Just breathing….

February 11, 2009 at 4:49 pm | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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Just taking it moment to moment and crave to crave. It has been more than 11 hours since my last cigarette. It isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be so far but there are times the cravings practically bring me to my knees.

Ok-the eating thing….that is really annoying. I am about to head out and get myself some lemon drops or something. I have a large jar of salted almonds next to me and if I don’t do something fast, they are going to be gone!

Soon the minutes make hours and eventually the hours will make a day and what an empowering milestone that will be.


February 10, 2009 at 3:57 pm | Posted in Ready to quit | 3 Comments
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Since we set a quit date, every smoke feels like a betrayal, a dirty little secret. I wonder why we are waiting. We gave ourselves excuses to wait and to prepare. I have to believe it will pay off in the end.

The waiting has made us analyze when and why we smoke. I realized while watching House Hunters International last night that I even look at homes like a smoker. In one condo, there was a balcony. My first thought wasn’t about the view. It was about finding a place to smoke outside if I were the one looking at purchasing it.

This is clearly not going to be only about outlasting withdrawal but rather about changing an entire life perspective. I want the change, I am willing to embrace the change. I want to be able to read guide books about National Parks and say I can do those moderate hikes unlike now where they sound too challenging. To use an oft repeated cliche this year, Yes We Can.

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