what’s going on?

March 10, 2009 at 6:03 am | Posted in life | Leave a comment
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Let me know if you know because I don’t have a clue.

I called to make Rai’s appointment today and word hadn’t trickled down. The appointment person tried to give me one that was a month out. I pointed out that she had hole in her head and that we were supposed to be seen sooner.

Finally word came done that she has an appointment at 12:30 tomorrow and that was all. I swear neurosurgeons have a God complex. If all we do is go in to be told the same thing that we were told on Saturday, I am going to throw a fit. At least throw the CT scan in to mollify me.

Oh-and did I mention that we are expecting a snow storm? This will be an interesting day.

Today we also had the follow up on Laura’s bronchitis and coughing issues. She has  a provisional diagnosis of exercise induced asthma. She does have allergies but she has had a cold almost every 3 weeks since she started preschool. Why did we ship her off? We are technically paying to keep her home when she is sick. The doctor won’t confirm it yet because of her age and the year we have had. Time will tell. I just hope we like what it tells us.

On a positive note-I am handling the stress, dealing and am still smoke free! I am really getting to the point I don’t think about it. I do get stressed out and want something but I don’t always identify that something as a cigarette. I realized that I really just want an escape hatch when that happens. Maybe a weekend off is the answer.

I am strong enough today.

February 18, 2009 at 5:19 am | Posted in Quit | 4 Comments
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tree2

On the way home from dropping off the youngest two at preschool, I pulled off to drive through a county park to see if I should ever come back with my camera. Apparently to enter, you need a pass. They had an honor box to pay for a 14 day one. It was $5. I looked in my wallet and could only find $2. So I looked in a purse that has been sittting in my car for weeks. I didn’t find any money though.

I found cigarettes! I have no idea how long that pack had been in there but there were 3 left. Guessing from the last time I actually used that purse, I would say they were 3 very stale cigarettes. I wasn’t anywhere near a trashcan, I crushed the pack into an unsmokable little ball. I threw them out when I got home.

I was shaken at the time but as the day went on, I realized that I was fine. I didn’t really want to smoke them. For goodness sake, I can’t imagine smoking a fresh cigarette right now. I am not about to give up all of this hard work for a stale, crunchy one. Hell, I didn’t even like those when I was smoking.  The difference now is that I will not smoke them if there is nothing else available. In fact, I simply won’t smoke at all.

I went home to find more money and grabbed Dave(my husband). We went back and had fun goofing around with our cameras. I finally walked on a lake! I know it is normal here but growing up in Virginia, we were always told not to walk on the ice because it wasn’t thick enough. Up here in Minnesota, they drive on the ice. I looked like a nut. I was creeping very slowly sure that I was going to fall through at any moment. Meanwhile there are SUV’s further out on the lake parked next to ice fishing huts. Getting comfortable is clearly going to be a long process.

The tree is one of the pictures I took today. As usual there are a couple more on my photography blog.

As I sign off, I just want to point out that it has now officially been 1 full week since my last cigarette. So much as changed. It has been a hard week at times but a good week. I did it! I also did with my husband. We are taking charge of our lives and building a new future together. We can breathe, we can smell and we can taste. We are doing it.

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