Angry

March 16, 2009 at 4:02 am | Posted in Quit | 1 Comment
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I am just an angry pain in the ass. I am not sure why. I guess it has something to do with the 5 stages of grief or some sort of psychological crap.

I got through all of the stress I have recently been through just fine. Now that things are relatively calm again, I just want to smoke. It is like being a newborn vampire. My lozenges are keeping me vegetarian.

I think I skipped a few stages of my quit because of all stress that we have been dealing with and got a bit over confident. It helps to know that Dave was in the same place a few days ago and he got through it. Right now, it just sucks.

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Rough couple of days

February 21, 2009 at 3:30 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I simply didn’t have the energy to update yesterday. One of our cats ended up in emergency surgery. His urethra was blocked and he had a wicked bladder infection. Dave took him into the vet. They tried to cath him to open him but that didn’t work so into surgery he went.

He hardly seemed that uncomfortable being blocked. You would never have known by his behavior that this was a long standing infection based on what the vet sound. He is too stoic!

We lost another male cat to the same problem. He had two major surgeries, did all the special diets and still ended losing the battle. It was 4 years ago. I hate to say that yesterday I had major cravings waiting for the vet to call with updates. I was thinking back to the last time when I did smoke a lot to get through. This time though I am proud to say I simply paced the house like a crazed, caged animal.

He is home tonight and still in a lot of pain. We have him isolated in a room and he has to stay there for 5 days. We have a whole pharmacy we are supposed to give him twice a day. He is taking the meds now but I think that is only because he is too sore to put up much of a fight.

My 4 year old is overjoyed that ‘her’ cat is home. She is spending as much time as she can in the room just petting him and singing to him.

Today was just a busy day and kept us hopping. It would be nice if life would slow down but I somehow doubt that will ever happen.

PMS. sucks.

February 17, 2009 at 4:38 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I finally figured out why suddenly yesterday my cravings got worse and my patience completely deteriorated. I looked at the calendar today and realized it was PMS. Of course, I had to look it up. Apparently if you quit near PMS, your success rate plummets. Women have a better chance at the beginning of their cycle.

Statistics schmatistics. Dave and I also should be divorced based on those. Apparently we are in the lucky 20% or so for our situation. I am not going to fall prey to these either.

I am actually feeling better about my increasingly bad attitude. I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. Now I know what I am handling, big deal. I handle being pure evil every month. That part of my life hasn’t changed.

I am so close to a full week that I can almost taste it. I guarantee that when I get there that it will so much tastier than anything was in my life a week ago.

Your brain on drugs..and your lungs.

February 15, 2009 at 6:28 am | Posted in Quit | 2 Comments
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Your lungs on drugs

Your lungs on drugs

I have long thought that your lungs after smoking resembled the snow by the sides of roads. This is a bit of dirty snow by our driveway. I snapped it because it reminded me why I am doing this.

Ok…dramatic imagery done, on to the insane.

Dear god…. the transition from the physical to the physiological withdrawal is rather INSANE! I have done all the research and you all know me well enough that I also read the studies. This day has been the hardest. Actually it has been the the night that is the worst. I have found the physiological to be far more intense and less controllable. My brain is apparently screaming for some dopamine.

We are now entering into the period where it rights itself. Great that means I am going to be a depressed bitch because my brain says so according to the studies. Then again it also tells my heart to beat so I might as well work with it to get through it. This part really is far worse because you are battling yourself chemically in your head.

Yeah…..I have gone insane.

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