Yes…they really do suck

April 16, 2009 at 3:18 pm | Posted in 5K | 3 Comments
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I can’t run for now. It sucks.

I went to the doctor last week and I do have plantar fasciitis as well as really really need new orthotics. I was casted for them this week and will get them next week. I am also starting PT next week.

In the meanwhile, I am sleeping in a pair of really awful boots to stretch out my plantar fascia as well as doing lots of stretching and strenthing exercises. I tried to continue running and by Tuesday was in so much pain that I could hardly walk. That is a no-no.

I think I am going to start doing some pool workouts and work with my running coach who is really a personal trainer the rest of the time. I am hoping she can put together a couple of routines for me to continue to get into shape. I would like to go back to running when I am able but I want to condition and strengthen in the meanwhile so I will be in better shape.

Ugh…this sucks. I really wanted to run that 5K in May. Maybe I can walk it?

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Moving on

April 3, 2009 at 4:22 am | Posted in life, Quit | 5 Comments
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I have increasingly been realizing that I have reached a new stage of my quit. I am not posting here as much and it has been days since I have been to the quit support site. I am have been setting down those crutches and am starting to walk or even run on my own.

I think I need to find a new direction to take this blog in. While the rest of my life will always be lived “beyond the haze”, I don’t need to live the rest of my life in the throes of the quit. It is time to transition into the life that staying quit is making it possible to live.

Procrastination

March 25, 2009 at 4:31 am | Posted in Home, life | Leave a comment
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I think I have mastered the art of it.

Two years ago Dave and I removed a large corner unit from the family room that was original to the house. Don’t worry-the house was built in 1989 so we didn’t remove anything historic or even remotely beautiful. By removing it though, we were left with a carpet-less spot and some unfinished drywall. We bought a throw rug to cover the bare spot and decided to ignore the wall until we could find time to deal with it.

About 9 months ago we finally took care of carpet and sometime in the last two years we deliberately started to not see the wall area. Finally we made time to paint the room today. It is now a lovely beige.

Next on my list is painting the foyer and living room. I will report on the progress of this sometime in 2011.

Socks…now I have to care about socks?

March 22, 2009 at 3:40 am | Posted in 5K, life, Quit | 1 Comment
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The last time I ran wool was itchy and I used it for hiking as one part of 2 layers. Now apparently the wool has become smart and apparently not itchy. Go figure.

The sock choices are endless. There is Smartwool, injingi I think, Beluga or Belaga or Balega or well something and goodness knows what else. Socks even have arch support and provide compression.

The only constant I can find with real runners is that cotton is BAD. Hmmmm guess what I have been running in. yeah. So far I have suffered no ill effects but apparently I will be doomed if I continue.

Since the lowly sock has evolved from a mere foot covering that keeps a foot warm into a highly specialized specie, I am going to investigate my options in the morning. First though, I am going to take one more run in my lowly cotton socks before I assign them the status of endangered specie.

Next on my list to learn about for running is Body Glide which sounds like some sort of sexual lubricant to me.

Angry

March 16, 2009 at 4:02 am | Posted in Quit | 1 Comment
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I am just an angry pain in the ass. I am not sure why. I guess it has something to do with the 5 stages of grief or some sort of psychological crap.

I got through all of the stress I have recently been through just fine. Now that things are relatively calm again, I just want to smoke. It is like being a newborn vampire. My lozenges are keeping me vegetarian.

I think I skipped a few stages of my quit because of all stress that we have been dealing with and got a bit over confident. It helps to know that Dave was in the same place a few days ago and he got through it. Right now, it just sucks.

I can walk(and breathe)!

March 4, 2009 at 4:06 am | Posted in Quit, Special Moments | Leave a comment
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winterwalk61

I had to do some things at the preschool today. When I was done, there was no point in going home just to turn around and come back. I decided to spend the time taking a walk on a path by a stream. I was excited at first that there actually was running water which means it is slowly warming up. Then, as I hiked uphill back to the car, I became excited that I wasn’t breathing like a fish that jumped out of the tank. I might still be out of shape but I can really breathe and walk again! Good thing because I am signed up for a class that starts in 3 weeks that will help me train for a 5k.

Of course, I took pictures all along the way and posted the rest on my photo blog.

Did I say that I wasn’t thinking about smoking?

February 25, 2009 at 4:22 am | Posted in Quit | 2 Comments
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I noticed tonight that when I am really tired, I have many more cravings. What was I doing, using the cold and smokes to keep me awake? Perhaps I should just learn to go to sleep like a normal person.

I really have to stop

February 19, 2009 at 3:41 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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going to McDonalds! I keep trying what I thought were my old favorites. I just need to accept that I thought it was good food because my taste buds clearly were not working right when I was smoking. After I ate the Big Mac, I had a big craving. I wonder if I had always felt the need to smoke after one just to camoflage the taste??? No big deal. I can easily avoid it this trigger.

Otherwise it was a pretty boring day. We had snow last night so I went out and took a few pictures. I think I am transferring addictions. I have always taken a lot of pictures but recently if I don’t use my camera every day it just feels wrong. Oh well, this is one I know I can live with.

It is cold and windy tonight. It is nice to look out the window at the moving branches and be happy that I am no longer standing outside miserable anymore. My hands are finally warm.

I am strong enough today.

February 18, 2009 at 5:19 am | Posted in Quit | 4 Comments
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tree2

On the way home from dropping off the youngest two at preschool, I pulled off to drive through a county park to see if I should ever come back with my camera. Apparently to enter, you need a pass. They had an honor box to pay for a 14 day one. It was $5. I looked in my wallet and could only find $2. So I looked in a purse that has been sittting in my car for weeks. I didn’t find any money though.

I found cigarettes! I have no idea how long that pack had been in there but there were 3 left. Guessing from the last time I actually used that purse, I would say they were 3 very stale cigarettes. I wasn’t anywhere near a trashcan, I crushed the pack into an unsmokable little ball. I threw them out when I got home.

I was shaken at the time but as the day went on, I realized that I was fine. I didn’t really want to smoke them. For goodness sake, I can’t imagine smoking a fresh cigarette right now. I am not about to give up all of this hard work for a stale, crunchy one. Hell, I didn’t even like those when I was smoking.  The difference now is that I will not smoke them if there is nothing else available. In fact, I simply won’t smoke at all.

I went home to find more money and grabbed Dave(my husband). We went back and had fun goofing around with our cameras. I finally walked on a lake! I know it is normal here but growing up in Virginia, we were always told not to walk on the ice because it wasn’t thick enough. Up here in Minnesota, they drive on the ice. I looked like a nut. I was creeping very slowly sure that I was going to fall through at any moment. Meanwhile there are SUV’s further out on the lake parked next to ice fishing huts. Getting comfortable is clearly going to be a long process.

The tree is one of the pictures I took today. As usual there are a couple more on my photography blog.

As I sign off, I just want to point out that it has now officially been 1 full week since my last cigarette. So much as changed. It has been a hard week at times but a good week. I did it! I also did with my husband. We are taking charge of our lives and building a new future together. We can breathe, we can smell and we can taste. We are doing it.

PMS. sucks.

February 17, 2009 at 4:38 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I finally figured out why suddenly yesterday my cravings got worse and my patience completely deteriorated. I looked at the calendar today and realized it was PMS. Of course, I had to look it up. Apparently if you quit near PMS, your success rate plummets. Women have a better chance at the beginning of their cycle.

Statistics schmatistics. Dave and I also should be divorced based on those. Apparently we are in the lucky 20% or so for our situation. I am not going to fall prey to these either.

I am actually feeling better about my increasingly bad attitude. I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. Now I know what I am handling, big deal. I handle being pure evil every month. That part of my life hasn’t changed.

I am so close to a full week that I can almost taste it. I guarantee that when I get there that it will so much tastier than anything was in my life a week ago.

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