Poor kid

February 28, 2009 at 4:14 am | Posted in Quit | 4 Comments
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laurasick

I am so glad we don’t smoke anymore and for the record, we never smoked inside the house, in our cars or around our kids. This week my youngest had a cold develop into a severe cough and fever. It wasn’t pneumonia though when they first looked at the chest x-ray, they thought it was. The radiologist eventually ruled it out.

She has been through two different antibiotics and now has a nebulizer. She is finally bouncing back and has been fever free for 24 hours now. It is a relief. I am also happy that there is no way that either my husband or myself could have contributed to this at all. Even though we never smoked around her, I imagine the scents on us could be as irritating as a strong perfume is for me.

Did I say that I wasn’t thinking about smoking?

February 25, 2009 at 4:22 am | Posted in Quit | 2 Comments
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I noticed tonight that when I am really tired, I have many more cravings. What was I doing, using the cold and smokes to keep me awake? Perhaps I should just learn to go to sleep like a normal person.

Busy

February 24, 2009 at 4:57 am | Posted in Quit | 3 Comments
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We were on the go today. Laura had a cold last week and during the weekend it it morphed into more. She has been running 101 degree fevers since Friday night, coughing and just plain gunky. So I took her in this morning after getting Rai on the bus and dropping Mira off at school. Laura may or may not have pneumonia again. Her CBC was fine but I guess there was something on the x-ray. She was precribed amoxicillan pending the radiologist’s reading.

We then rushed to my therapy appointment, then to Target to get her script filled and quick lunch, off the the post office and finally took a break at a book store. We spent a few minutes at home and had to go get Mira. We rushed home to beat Rai’s bus and finally were done for the day. Well sorta…we still had the rest of the evening routine but at least that was normal.

What is amazing about the day is how little I thought about smoking. I am reaching the point where I have been not smoking just long enough to go through a crazy day withough thinking about when I would have had a cigarette. I only realized it later when I thought about the day.

Another day goes by

February 23, 2009 at 4:04 am | Posted in Quit | 1 Comment
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Not much to report. It was a quiet day. Dave and I were exhausted since neither one of us slept well last night. We are still smoke free though so I guess we did manage to accomplish one thing today.

R.I.P Dubbies

February 22, 2009 at 5:56 am | Posted in life | 1 Comment
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Our cat passed away tonight. I don’t have the energy to get into details again. Suffice it to say that it has been a sad night. Our 4 year old is miserable as are we.

On the positive, Dave and I wanted to smoke so much tonight. That is apparently what you do when pets pass. But we didn’t. Tonight’s tragedy as least begat one victory.

Dubbies, I already miss you trying to step on my keyboard so I will pet you and I will miss stepping around the bedroom trying to miss you in the middle of the night. I just miss you and I am so sorry.

Rough couple of days

February 21, 2009 at 3:30 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I simply didn’t have the energy to update yesterday. One of our cats ended up in emergency surgery. His urethra was blocked and he had a wicked bladder infection. Dave took him into the vet. They tried to cath him to open him but that didn’t work so into surgery he went.

He hardly seemed that uncomfortable being blocked. You would never have known by his behavior that this was a long standing infection based on what the vet sound. He is too stoic!

We lost another male cat to the same problem. He had two major surgeries, did all the special diets and still ended losing the battle. It was 4 years ago. I hate to say that yesterday I had major cravings waiting for the vet to call with updates. I was thinking back to the last time when I did smoke a lot to get through. This time though I am proud to say I simply paced the house like a crazed, caged animal.

He is home tonight and still in a lot of pain. We have him isolated in a room and he has to stay there for 5 days. We have a whole pharmacy we are supposed to give him twice a day. He is taking the meds now but I think that is only because he is too sore to put up much of a fight.

My 4 year old is overjoyed that ‘her’ cat is home. She is spending as much time as she can in the room just petting him and singing to him.

Today was just a busy day and kept us hopping. It would be nice if life would slow down but I somehow doubt that will ever happen.

I really have to stop

February 19, 2009 at 3:41 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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going to McDonalds! I keep trying what I thought were my old favorites. I just need to accept that I thought it was good food because my taste buds clearly were not working right when I was smoking. After I ate the Big Mac, I had a big craving. I wonder if I had always felt the need to smoke after one just to camoflage the taste??? No big deal. I can easily avoid it this trigger.

Otherwise it was a pretty boring day. We had snow last night so I went out and took a few pictures. I think I am transferring addictions. I have always taken a lot of pictures but recently if I don’t use my camera every day it just feels wrong. Oh well, this is one I know I can live with.

It is cold and windy tonight. It is nice to look out the window at the moving branches and be happy that I am no longer standing outside miserable anymore. My hands are finally warm.

I am strong enough today.

February 18, 2009 at 5:19 am | Posted in Quit | 4 Comments
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tree2

On the way home from dropping off the youngest two at preschool, I pulled off to drive through a county park to see if I should ever come back with my camera. Apparently to enter, you need a pass. They had an honor box to pay for a 14 day one. It was $5. I looked in my wallet and could only find $2. So I looked in a purse that has been sittting in my car for weeks. I didn’t find any money though.

I found cigarettes! I have no idea how long that pack had been in there but there were 3 left. Guessing from the last time I actually used that purse, I would say they were 3 very stale cigarettes. I wasn’t anywhere near a trashcan, I crushed the pack into an unsmokable little ball. I threw them out when I got home.

I was shaken at the time but as the day went on, I realized that I was fine. I didn’t really want to smoke them. For goodness sake, I can’t imagine smoking a fresh cigarette right now. I am not about to give up all of this hard work for a stale, crunchy one. Hell, I didn’t even like those when I was smoking.  The difference now is that I will not smoke them if there is nothing else available. In fact, I simply won’t smoke at all.

I went home to find more money and grabbed Dave(my husband). We went back and had fun goofing around with our cameras. I finally walked on a lake! I know it is normal here but growing up in Virginia, we were always told not to walk on the ice because it wasn’t thick enough. Up here in Minnesota, they drive on the ice. I looked like a nut. I was creeping very slowly sure that I was going to fall through at any moment. Meanwhile there are SUV’s further out on the lake parked next to ice fishing huts. Getting comfortable is clearly going to be a long process.

The tree is one of the pictures I took today. As usual there are a couple more on my photography blog.

As I sign off, I just want to point out that it has now officially been 1 full week since my last cigarette. So much as changed. It has been a hard week at times but a good week. I did it! I also did with my husband. We are taking charge of our lives and building a new future together. We can breathe, we can smell and we can taste. We are doing it.

PMS. sucks.

February 17, 2009 at 4:38 am | Posted in Quit | Leave a comment
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I finally figured out why suddenly yesterday my cravings got worse and my patience completely deteriorated. I looked at the calendar today and realized it was PMS. Of course, I had to look it up. Apparently if you quit near PMS, your success rate plummets. Women have a better chance at the beginning of their cycle.

Statistics schmatistics. Dave and I also should be divorced based on those. Apparently we are in the lucky 20% or so for our situation. I am not going to fall prey to these either.

I am actually feeling better about my increasingly bad attitude. I was worried that I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. Now I know what I am handling, big deal. I handle being pure evil every month. That part of my life hasn’t changed.

I am so close to a full week that I can almost taste it. I guarantee that when I get there that it will so much tastier than anything was in my life a week ago.

Smelling….good!

February 16, 2009 at 5:25 am | Posted in Quit | 5 Comments
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Can you smell me?

Can you smell me?

That flower looks like it is smelling me as much I was smelling it.

I am able to really smell again! That is a double edged sword at times because you can smell the bad smells just as well as the good. I took my youngest two to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. While we were there, we visited the greenhouse. It was an amazing sensory experience and I am so happy I am not missing out on the full experience anymore. I have more pictures of what we found in the greenhouse on my photography blog

It was an off and on day otherwise. After two nights of insomnia, I was rather run down today. My exhaustion seemed to bring on stronger cravings.  At one point, I left the kids with Dave because I couldn’t deal anymore. I drove around for a bit. I ended up going to McDonalds. I discovered, now that I can really taste, that I really don’t like Chicken McNuggets. Good news for my hips!

Day 5 is over and I am so very glad of it. I am one tired puppy.

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